Saturday, April 18, 2009

The More I Seek You



I discovered this song and artist while going through a very dark time in my life. I was spiritually dry, chapped, parched...the list goes on and on. I had all but lost my desire to have a relationship with my Lord. I knew what 'could be', what 'used to be', but I also knew the reality of the place in my walk with Christ that I actually WAS. It was hard to accept the truth. I was spiritually handicapped. I had starved for so long that I couldn't even stir up a prayer. All I knew was that I craved to have a close relationship with my Lord. I longed to FEEL like I was cultivating that relationship.

I reached a point one day on my way to work that I just reached down and turned off the radio. I had one of those conversations with myself, then I began to just talk to God. I admitted to Him that I wasn't where I needed to be. I felt distant, removed from Him. This wasn't totally unfamiliar territory; I had been here before, actually several times. But, I also knew that to get from point A to point B and eventually to Z, I would first have to make an effort. You see, I wasn't strong enough to pray some wonderful, eloquent prayer that would shake the gates of Heaven. No, all I could muster up was, "God, You KNOW my heart. You KNOW my desire. You KNOW where I want to be...where I see myself, but God, I cannot put one foot in front of the other. I need you to just see me and meet me half way in my efforts to get to You." I knew that was the first step in rekindling that relationship.

Did I feel an immediate intimacy? No. Did I all of a sudden want to shout and proclaim that I had been restored? No. All I knew was that I had made an attempt and at that point, that was all I could handle. BUT, the good thing is that the Lord realized that. And, I quickly learned that all He ever wanted me to do was to make the initial attempt. He JUMPED at the opportunity to meet me halfway. And actually, after looking back, He came more than half the distance! He came ALL the way. He picked me up out of my mirey, selfish, gloomy, dirty pit and dusted me off. He rekindled every desire that I've ever had, and I have to admit that I don't know if I've ever felt this close to my sweet Lord. He abides in me and I abide in Him. If you find yourself in that same pit today, please know that the more you seek Him, the more you WILL find Him!

His Forever,
Christa