Saturday, I sat in front of my laptop thinking “okay self, we need something amazing to send to Christa for the Bible Study Blog post.” Nothing. I sat and stared at the screen for ever. Nothing. I made several attempts over a few days at a post and deleted them all. Today Christa sent me a sweet e-mail along the lines of “Hi friend….we gonna have a post this week?”
I am not entirely comfortable with this…but here goes...
This week’s lesson started off with a sucker punch.
“In order to be salt and Light, you have to cultivate your ‘secret’ life with God. Your secret prayers, your secret giving, your secret fasting…these are the things that that ONLY God sees and they are the things that allow you to be salt and light.”
No GOING? No DOING? No TEACHING? No ENCOURAGING?......That’s not too exciting. See, Last time we met, we talked about being Salt and Light. Good stuff… “go and light your world”…”make a difference for the Kingdom”… “Tell people about Christ”. That sort of lesson is right up my alley. I love getting people excited about “Going” and “doing”. “Okay, girls! Let’s go shine like a City on a Hill!!!!!” So, I set the Bible study aside for a few days. I guess I thought that God would stop talking to me if I stopped studying.
I was mistaken. God did not stop talking. As a matter of fact, He has dealt with me constantly these past 2 weeks. I, in turn, have thrown a fit or two. I have argued with Him. I have been a whiney baby. It really has NOT been fun couple of weeks for me.
God has shown me where I need to grow. He has shown me where I am weak.
He told me that I have gotten everything all turned upside down. I put serving Him above Loving Him (I cannot believe I am actually putting this in print). I put Leading others to Him above my personal Spiritual Growth. My “Quiet Time” has been reduced to the time I spend studying to teach others. My prayer life has been reduced to emergency prayers for friends and family. My “spiritual life” has turned into something for others to see.
As I type, seeing this all in print makes it a bit clearer.
There is a burning passion in my very soul to share Christ with women. I cannot imagine how in the WORLD Satan could ever quench that desire. Instead of going after FLO (where I am well guarded), Satan slipped into my personal life unnoticed and, as a result, I gave up my secret life with God. Satan didn’t steal my peace, my joy, my mercy, my grace, my compassion…..I gave it up freely when I stopped spending time with Jesus for MYSELF. As we discussed earlier in the Bible Study…these things only come from Jesus.
God in His infinite love and mercy has drawn me to Himself, not because I am “FLO Ministry Coordinator”, “Sunday School Teacher”, “FLO Bible Study Leader”, or “the Pastor’s wife” --- but just because I am his daughter and he loves me….just plain old ordinary me.
I thought I wanted to do something with FLO in December. Some amazing mission project or fellowship event, but it feels really good to be back in HIS arms. I think I’ll just spend Christmas there.